It was a typical day in my life. I went to my storage unit to retrieve a suitcase for my husbands impending business trip. I reached above my head to pull down what I thought was an empty suitcase and then it happened.
The suitcase was full of things much to my dismay. This mistake sent me on a physical rehabilitation journey. At the time little did I know this is exactly what I needed to make me stop and reflect on my life.
When I was recovering from my injury I had time to think. I was thinking of my adult child who blamed me for her life. I was thinking about all my failures as a young parent. I was thinking about how my immaturity may have hurt my children growing up.
I was convinced that everything my adult children did that was not in their best interest was my fault. It must be because I made so many mistakes I could not count. I did keep a roof over the heads and food in their mouth.
I didn’t call them in sick to school and I wouldn’t let them skip school. I thought that having a clean room was right up there with determining whether you succeed or fail in life.
I was a fallen christian, a damaged human being who was not good enough for her own children. At twenty years old and divorced with four children in a time period where a woman was little more than a second class citizen I picked myself up.
I got an education and worked at odd jobs and finally full time. I learned to be strong or at least wear armor for the indignities that I put up with. I worked and lived in a mans world. I couldn’t let anyone see me weak after all that was unacceptable.
My son was talking to me and I finally confided him my feelings and how proud I was that despite me how great of a parent he was. That is when he said a sentence that resonated to my soul.
He said, “Mom, you sure are carrying around a heavy empty suitcase, all of your children came from the same house, all of your children are adults and make their own decisions and their own mistakes.”
Ironic he would use a suitcase as a metaphor. I was finally free that day to move forward and so my son set me free and became my friend.
Let it go whatever weighs you down and enjoy the present for that is all you have.